It always amazes me how much we hate black women. Like I be seriously stunned. Because black women are at the bottom of the proverbial “ladder” of social hierarchy everyone loves to shit on them; even (or maybe especially) us as black men. It is nuts how the same women that love us, nurture us, raise us, and support us throughout EVERYTHING are the same ones that we believe don’t deserve to express their emotions, shouldn’t be proud of their bodies, and just overall don’t deserve to do anything we don’t tell them to do. As a member of another community that is constantly devalued by the super pro-black folks, I sympathize on some level what black women go through, but at the same time I can’t understand the levels of hatred people have for them. So to help me understand maybe somebody can answer this for me: why the hell do you guys hate black women so much?
Think fast: what comes to mind when you hear the word feminism? Beyonce? Chimanda? Burning bras? Rabid white women telling you how terrible you are? Your answer to that question may help to answer mine. We know that many men (and some women) hate feminism and feminists because they fear change from the norm and worry that if mean and women are equal it means that men will be treated like women are treated (which should prove why we need feminism, but whatever). Men are terrified of losing privilege, and will do whatever it takes to keep it. This is probably even more true for black men (this goes for straight and gay ones), because even though they are pretty marginalized, they can take comfort in the fact that black women gay or straight are still worse off than they are. And they wanna keep it that way, so they put black women down. It's a pretty common gesture; how do you stay off the bottom of the totem pole? By putting people below you. But I'm here to tell you just like your grandmother probably told you: you don't get to the top by putting people down. That's how white supremacy works, but do we really wanna work like that? Do we really want to have to destroy a large part of our community to make us look better? Hating black women aint gone make black men any more loved, I promise you, just like kissing up to white people aint gone make them love you more. Yall niggas aint learned that yet?
I could talk for days about the complex history between white men and black women, or the exoticness and anti-blackness that other men of color see when they look at black women, but that’s not what I’m here for. To be honest I don’t care about them; what I’m here to do is talk about how fucked up it is that as a collective black men are more likely to defend a woman pretending to be a black woman than an actual black woman. I wanna talk about how crazy it is that for many black men being “conscious” or “woke” means believing that black women are only good for housework and sex. I'm here to talk about the Hoteps (or as some call them, the Ashy Dicks) and the people that buy into that mindset (knowingly or unknowingly). The hashtag #ThingsIHateAboutHoteps talked about how these poor misguided fools manipulate African ideology to support their hatred of black women and overall warped point of view, and it couldn’t have been more true. While I appreciate the effort to become more aware of what goes on in the world, I BEG you not to stop at what you heard Dr. Umar Johnson say or what you saw on Hidden Colors (both of which are terrible by the way). Take a look at all the bull we're seeing day to day, why would you listen to anyone who tells you to exclude any type of black person? We need everyone we can get! It sucks when the "conscious" media is just as damaging as mainstream media, but we have to keep learning and questioning things to really get somewhere.
Speaking of mainstream (read: white) media; it is a HUGE reason why so many of us hate black women. They always present the black woman as angry, uncontrollable or trashy; I mean look at how they treated Dajerria Becton and how they are treating Sandra Bland and even Nicki Minaj. They love painting the black woman as a demon so we won't want to associate with them. They love pushing relationships between black men and white women as the "ultimate sign of making it" and LOVE it when we fight among ourselves over the people abuse them (I'm looking at you, Cosby, R. Kelly and Chris Brown). Funny how for all the “pro-black” talk we give, we still allow mainstream media to dictate our views of black women. The media’s (and white supremacy’s) strategy is working like a charm; present black women as undeserving of love, respect and protection and it will be impossible for us as a black collective to thrive. If we as black men hate black women as much as the system does, there is no way we can pose any real threat. That old adage “United we stand divided we fall” couldn’t be more true.
Look at how #BlackLivesMatter was started. Yes, the movement that has united so many of us was started by three black women: two of which are queer and one wasn’t even born in America! (How’s that for intersectionality?) Isnt it strange, then, that the same people who scream “Black Lives Matter!” are the same people who say “Feminism is destroying the black community!” and “You can’t be gay and pro-black!”. But yall don’t see the issue. Yall don’t wanna accept the fact that each time we tell black women “You’re a THOT, aint nobody gone want you” or “Don’t talk about sex, that aint for women to do”, or “Men need to take the lead again”, or talk about how ugly black women are when they’re dark skinned, plus sized, or don’t wear weaves you are doing the very thing you claim to hate: putting down black people. When you claim to hate white supremacy and racism so much but do its work for it I really can’t tell whose side you’re on, and in this fight we cant afford folks on the fence.
So what do we do with this information? Maybe you’ve realized that you have some deep rooted issues with black women. Maybe you see reason and realize something must change, what can we do to make it happen? Simple. Be supportive. Listen. Don’t belittle black women and their opinions/feelings. Learn more, read more, do research for yourself. Understand that you are not the only type of black person on the planet, and that ALL of us, black women especially, are needed to push us forward.
Or not. You can ignore all this scolding tea and decide that I’m divisive and anti-black. Just remember then, that the next time you plan a rally, protest or boycott or hell ANYTHING AT ALL only let (straight) black men plan it and tell me how well it goes. You can do either but only one of them will do any real good in improving the lives of black people as a whole. Can you guess which one?
How do YOU think we can help support black women? Can you think of any other reasons as to why we hate black women? Leave your questions, comments, and concerns below and don't forget to like, share and subscribe!